Saved.

I went away when I was lowering down under the dirt of rock bottom.
I thought I would never find an escape besides the obvious, death.
Oh wow.

I went to Mackinac Island and found Jesus through the people.

Now, no I am not gonna start preaching the glory of God all over now but man, I thought I was good before with him. Now, I feel so connected, I didn't even know.
This is it,
I can say it,
I. am. free.

I try not to think about being home, so I sit alone and forget about it.
Hum Amazing Grace.
Feel it.

 finally.

 My demons still remember me but real soon they'll drown in my bubbly content-ness.

I don't miss you. :D I don't miss you.

I got the whole beautiful planet to look out for,
you're sort of like a flake off of an electron compared to that.

I still have those dark moments when I want to break down and die for a bit...

 but,

So I'm pumped up bro to finally stop pressing my lips up to life and take a big ass bite out of it.

peace.

expiration

I have not been inspired in 2196281646473673 decades.
The opposite of inspiration is expiration.

I guess we all do have expiration dates.

I was next to you.

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I've been uninspired by life or anything else lately.

Dear Michael,
My friend invited you to yesterday's party, I was there.
My friend told you I was acting clingy because I was just tired of you.
I am not tired of you now.
My friend didn't say that.
My friends walked to another friends house.
My friend that invited you, you, and me all walked behind everyone.
My friend ran ahead for a few minutes.
You made a few jokes, I'm not sure if you were talking to yourself or me,
so I just smiled and chuckled.

I felt like I was distances away from you not next to you.
I was next to you.

You didn't say a thing.
You didn't fix a thing.

I was next to you.

Replay

Lately everything has been echoing in my
empty
empty
empty head.

Pull the lace over the
painful
painful
painful sores.
How.
How.
How can you live forgetting?
We like to hide.
Hide.

I want, I try, I need to
forget,
forget,
forget,
forget,
forget,
forget.

We talked
talked
talked about the weather. I said, "It rains a lot this
time
time of year."

There's so much to
forget,
forget,
forget,
forget,
forget, how did you do it so easy?
My heart
fell
fell
fell
fell out of my mouth in tiny pieces.

Blind me.
I hate
pain
pain
pain
pain
pain, I hate you.
I love you
you,
you, you.
But I need to
forget,
forget,
forget,
forget that.

I can't look.

"I showed her how I'd been making tiny cuts in my skin to let the badness and pain leak out...It made it easier not to think about having my body and my family and my life stolen, it made it easier not to care."-Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson.

 Jump over the pain and feelings, the unsaid distance.
Just tell me what's wrong, why do we not say love?

That's the only thing that keeps me raised up, is that word that I make believe that is swimming inside your head.

My hand is wet and your skin and breath is cold. I've never came this close.

I'm empty on stomach and heart.
I wrap myself in lights to fool everyone that I can still shine.

The stage probably never wants to see me again.
No one wants to see the fortunes I have left.

I want to fade into the atmosphere and be apart of the stars.
I want to need to.
I need to forget.

Listen to Cataracts by Andrew Bird.
The doctor said I have minor depression.
This is not small.

I am fucking broken.
I am alone.

What's for lunch? lol jk

It's crazy how authors of best selling novels know how to document it.
But no one seems to know how to solve it.

People know how we still eat but over estimate the calories of it,
how we stop after 500 or less,
How we try to make it travel back up our throats after that 600 cal. mark.
We memorized the nutrition facts of everything from sandwiches to lettuce
how everything is so God damn heavy,
our hair sheds,
we're cold, so cold.

Our bodies are temples that we worship when it's done right.
We don't abuse it, this is not torture.
This is progress.

No, he didn't make me do this.
He doesn't encourage it. He doesn't even have a clue.
He would probably stop the world if he found out like as if it's a big deal.
1 in 4 girls have one, not a big issue.

Just shut up. Empty is strong.
After you adjust to it, food doesn't mean a thing.
All you say is, "I'm a vegan." and you munch on a celery stick instead of a cupcake.

 who.

 gives

 a fuck.

I just want to look like those girls you call hot with your guy friends.
I want to be better with a body.
The new therapist said I'm stuck and that's why I'm depressed,
You caused my depression.

Try, I'll try too.

My face has been ripped off by the worlds sharp hits.
It's gone.
I'm walking around with a hole and I don't mind, no one else does.

I only think of you because everything reminds me of us.
I try to forget you also. Friend status is shit.

 If you can't shake me from your head,
Doesn't that mean we can't?

Please, please talk to me again.
Oh God please.

We never said 'love' but I know it's there.
It still is. This is the hardest part of living.

When you talk to me.
When you smile at me.
When you look my way.
When you walk by me I feel alright.
I feel strong and happy even.

You just don't understand how big of a deal that is to someone like me.

I will not give up hope.
That's all I have left in my tiny world.

Help me out, please, please.
Save me.

It feels like your 7462387949275 miles away and I can't live like that.
Save me again.
Before my worlds swallow me up.